Real Post 152 – Annyeong, Nae Gwageoui Na (A Thank You Letter inspired by the Korean Drama, 안녕? 나야!)

The pandemic has hit us hard. Whether it’s physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, it scarred us for life. Many of us have looked for solace in any way we can just to keep our sanity and lean on a hope that this too will pass. And one of them is me, in the form of K-Dramas.

South Korean TV and web series – also known as K-Dramas are hugely popular here and abroad long before I started showing an interest to them. I was just not paying attention, to say the least. But ever since the country has been put into lockdown and outdoor activities have been restrained, they caught my eye without a second peak.

It started with the shows that are on a global streaming platform, followed by clips and scenes that I found on the internet. K-Dramas like Hwarang that introduced me to Seo-joon, Ara, Min-ho, Hyung-sik, Ji-han and Tae-hyung. She Was Pretty, Fight For My Way, What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim, Itaewon Class – I know, I am a fan of Park Seo-joon, but there’s a lot more. Some has made me laugh, made me cry, made me wonder, made me think twice, and made me grateful for my life.

…which is the reason why am writing this letter.

I just finished watching the series finale of Hello? Me! – it’s a K-Drama starring Choi Kang-hee, Kim Young-kwang and Lee Re. The story was about a 37-year old woman who seems to be living her life subserviently to other people, lacks courage and confidence to have a brighter future. And then, she met her 17-year old self who is way too eager to prove herself to the world and is severly optimistic. What could have gone wrong, right?

At first glance, it would seemed to be a typical romantic-comedy with all of it’s feel-good moments, until it hits you with a reality check – life, and how it’s gonna shape a person’s past and future.

By the way, this is not a review about the show. It’s a checkup of me from the present conducted by me from the past, as well as an update of my 31-year old self to a 15-year old teenage guy.

…hence…hello, my past self.

Thank you for visiting me tonight. You’ve just seen me balling in tears while watching the two Ha-nis parted ways and it was an eyesore, I know. Ramyun and nachos did not help, even a bit. Why the ugly cry, you asked? Oh, I just thought of you all of a sudden, and what do you think of me now.

I still remember at 15, we were in junior high,and boy, you got big dreams! It was only a year after you got your second chance in life, got dropped from the top 10, old folks got poorer due to medical bills, but still you aimed for the sky, and beyond.

If am not mistaken, this was also the year you wrote your first love letter. Asked your friend Mary June to hand it over to Wennie Mae after the school’s Christmas party. Sneaky bastard! I can’t help but smile, you were into girls that time.

Let me tell you a secret. A year after that, you’ll gonna have a chance to dance with her on a prom, walk with her outside school campus, and get a teddy bear and key chain as graduation presents. You’ll gonna be floating in a cloud nine I assure you. Of course you’ll cry in the end, and even in your sleep coz you’re gonna get friendzoned. Just feel the pain. It will pass. Man up, you’re gonna like men more.

Sorry, got carried away by the moment. How am I? So far, so good. I’ve survived. Still have my sanity intact. And in some way, flourishing. Yeah, bit older. Uglier than you expected? Come on! We cannot have everything.

Of course, I remember our dreams. Though it’s a bit hazy as years go by. I wrote a few books, sold at least 10 copies online. Your plan to have a display in bookstores was far-fetched in this lifetime, but who knows. Am still hopeful.

We are still living in a 1-bedroom house, but it already has an indoor bathroom and toilet. Don’t worry, in few years time, you’ll no longer gonna run scared outside in the night with a pail and lamp just to poop. We now have running water to flash that crap down. And just a sneak peak, in 15 years time, you’ll gonna have a 3-bedroom bungalow standing mightily in that now-empty lot.

Ma and Pa are still here, though they’ve aged a lot. But don’t worry, you kept your promise to them ever since we were kids. They are no longer harvesting rice in another person’s field just to have food in our tables everyday. They have their own piggery as a source of their income and they both have monthy allowances and pensions so that they will no longer bother other people for a meal during breakfast, lunch and dinner. I got them healthcare and life insurance as well. You know how hard it was to pay for your hospital bills last year right? I am making sure we’ll never go through that again. Pa got TV and Ma got internet, coz you know, perks of having us.

Tang is working in a bank now and Jing is on it’s junior year in mechanical technology. They’re still a crazy bunch, but we are still a solid fam. As for you, won’t you believe that the times you visited the computer lab just to play solitaire and text twist made you interested to work with computers? I know, you don’t even own a mobile phone, you 90’s punk.

What’s with that sigh? Yeah, sorry If I disappoint you in that aspect. I know you really want to go to a prestigious school, get a degree and be a journalist.

Just hang in there, okay. Starting next year, you’ll gonna experience a lot of disappointments. People are gonna make false promises, circumstances are gonna play big parts, your life is going to shift in a way you couldn’t fathom at that age. You will ask how and why, yet you’ll only get a sigh. But you will survive and eventually prosper. You always know how to make the most of every situation you’re in.

Promise me one thing. Don’t detest Ma and Pa in the process. Tell them that you will try to understand their situations and be grateful for what they can contribute, no matter how little it is. They’ve been through hell and back already, just to raise us three.

You’re going back now? I see. I hope you won’t lose the spark that you have right now, after seeing what I’ve become, today. I’ve shaped my path already, but you are still molding yours. And that is gonna define me. So endure the pain of what life’s gonna throw next to you. Bear with it for a while, and little bit more. There will be times you wanna give up, traumatic moments you wish you don’t wanna repeat. But those times are gonna strengthen your will to grow.

I am sorry if I was not who you wanted me to be, but I made the most out of what life has thrown at me. And so will you.

Please do not give up on you, just like what I did on me. I am your number one fan, and will always root for you. I will still be here when your time comes, waiting for you. And if you feel like you are all alone, remember that I am always with you.

Although you are yet to hear this in a few years, but take this now with you…

Have faith. Keep the spirit. If there’s a will, there’s a way.

My past self, annyeong.

Real Post 151 – Hi, It’s Me Again. How Are YOU?

It’s been a wild ride these past couple of years. Few things in the bucket list have been checked – experiences I enjoyed so much that I want to do it again, and some that clearly needs to happen once in a lifetime.

One certain thing I regret though, was not letting you know about how I’ve been. But rest assured, I’ve cherished every moment – the triumphs and failures, happiness and sadness, lives and deaths that came passed me. All the learnings and opportunities that came knocking – the yes’ and no’s of life.

And so, am here again.

I’m turning 30 by the way. Not for another 6 months or so, but just want to let you know, coz it’s important to what am about to tell you.

First, am building a house of my dreams!

Well, not me personally, but my Popsi and Momsi are the ones overseeing the construction in the province while am here in Manila. But still, this is one important milestone for me. Am not here to boast about it, maybe a bit, however you need to understand it’s almost a decade in the making in my mind. Before I went here in the city to work, I set a goal – get my own room by the age of 30.

Second, my Momsi said it’s okay to be gay!

I’ve been going back and forth for the past year in the province, and everytime her and I had a conversation, a grand child is being slipped into. Of course I’d say no coz it’s gonna be difficult for me to give her an apo knowing that am not into women who can get pregnant, unless she also considers my plan of adopting a kid in the future. She’d always say, “It’s okay. Just do you, but am still hopeful for you to have a baby. You are just 30.”

Third, my Popsi and Momsi, as always, supports me!

There are times in our lives that we think coz we are already adult, we do things our way and make decisions alone. I recently realized, no matter where you are in life, seeking for advise from your friend, family or loved ones is never a bad move. As a matter of fact, it can save you from your impending doom. Just to give you a clearer scenario, the decision I made so hastily was gonna be my burden for years, which likely gonna make me crazy or land in jail. Not to mention can create altercations between our friends and family. It was a huge relief for me to backtrack that decision. I did not expect that I would cry in front of my parents at this age, but it turned out to be a beautiful relevation – my folks will always be there to provide me guidance, for as long as they live. All I need to do is ask for it. As I wiped the tears in my eyes that day, my Popsi did say, “Travel as far as you can go. Do the things that your heart wish. Live your life, for you only have one.” Then he walked away, while cleaning the fog that formed in his eyeglasses with his shirt. “You are only 30.”

So you see, it’s been a wild ride for me. I realized 3 important things just recently…

1. It’s never too early nor too late to set a goal. Keep it present, even just in your mind. Then make it happen.

2. Give more credit than you think they deserve for the people who truly loves you. Communicate with them, for there’s no clearer way to receive an answer other than by asking for it.

3. Life does not stop giving you lessons when you feel like you know how the world works. For mistakes can easily be made whether you are 6 or 60. And there is nothing wrong if you wanted to cry in front of people if you are feeling down, whether you are 3 or 30. You never know, they might be the one to cheer you up, or change your future.

Now that you know what I’ve been going through, how about you?

How are you doing?

Real Post 143 -A Backtrack Before The New Year

Five more pages to go and the book of 2015 will be closed. It will be sealed and locked away. We can take a peak on some pages of it but we can never reread it thoroughly. It’s how the way it was created, no further explanations needed. A new leaf will unfold and through it, a new set of pages will be made. It’s a clean slate, that it why we call it new beginnings. For some it’s a new start, while others think of it as another stop of our lifelong journey.

Many people become excited when a new year comes along. We sometimes considered it as a reboot of our life or a complete overhaul of our system. It gives us an idea to take a pass on the things that we did over the last year. It gives us a complete sense of relief from the bad decisions that we made or a trophy of success for those good ones. A new year can be many things for each of us. The way we wanted it to be is solely dependent on our own perspectives. As for me, it’s another uncharted waters and I cannot wait to sail off where the wind blows.

Now, before we get more excited on the year 2016, let us take this moment to backtrack the things we have done over the course of this year and ask ourselves these questions:

• What have I accomplish this year?
• Did I do something out of the ordinary and did it make any difference to me or to other people?
• What decisions did I regret and what did I consider as good ones?
• If I will be given a chance to relive one moment this year, what would it be and why? And lastly,
• If I die before the New Year comes, am I going to be grateful for it and ask for nothing or regret and wish I could have done – insert-them-here – thing?

Let’s start, shall we?

I reached a quarter of a century this year so I guess it can be counted as an accomplishment. I still have my job that feeds me and my family, as well as pays my bills. Also, I became depressed and felt so down after my surgery but I was able to regain my composure, thanks to the help of my friends and family.

I purchased an insurance policy, something that I haven’t think of knowing that I am not a risk-taker so it’s out of the ordinary for me and it certainly did make a difference towards my outlook in life. It took a harsh turn on me which brings us the decisions I may or may not yet regret. I admit I was disappointed with how things went on after the procurement of this policy. It felt like the decisions I made or the documents I signed up in this case were used against me. I guess I was not clever enough to counteract. Either way, it’s a lesson learned the hard way, to always read the fine prints.

If I will be given a chance to experience one magical and amazing moment that happened this year the second time around, I will pick one randomly and relive it exactly how it went through for the first time, for I am grateful for everything that I’ve been through. The reason why? It’s obvious, no matter how awful or awesome those events, I survived all of them.

Now for the last question, if I cannot make it through 2016, I will still be thankful and grateful for the things that happened to me in past as it shaped me to a person I am today. I will not ask but one thing though, to wish everyone a Happy and Prosperous New Year!!!

Cheerios everyone! ‘Til next year. 🙂

 

Real Post 135 – The GIFTS : A Testimony

I just finished reading a novel by Jim Stovall with a title “The Ultimate Gift.” It is a story of a young man named Jason who has passed all the tests by proving himself worthy of the 12 gifts his great-uncle Red Stevens offered him in order to inherit $1 billion. This has also been made into a movie starring Drew Fuller and Abigail Breslin which is by the way, awesome!

I had a life-changing experience reading this book and it made me realize, analyse and internalize the things and decisions I made in the past and will be making in the future. I was left teary-eyed and with a question in mind, can this be possible in real life? Is there someone out there willing to take the tests and determined to pass them without monetary compensation?

What I wanted to share to you are the series of gifts that came from this book and how it changes my perspective towards life.

1. The Gift of Work – “He who loves work never labors.”

Photo grabbed from http://www.salem-news.com

This is the first among the 12 gifts and I think I am already failing it. I got a job that I can say with all modesty, a better one, yet, I am not satisfied. I complained about it every day and it makes me tired and exhausted. It is a daily routine that almost feels like a robotic chore, yet, I haven’t noticed or decided to ignore that there are other people around me who risks their lives on the streets, on the top of the buildings, out in the wilderness, alone at night and in the middle of the war just to make sure that their families will have something to eat and a place to live. They sacrifices comfort and safety just to ensure their loved ones will have a better future. For that, I thank God for giving me a wonderful and nice job.

2. The Gift of Money – “Money is nothing more than a tool. It can be a force for good, a force for evil, or simply be idle.”

Photo grabbed from http://artlessonsfromgod.com

Surely, being financially stable and abundant is a privilege but it doesn’t complete a person’s life, for real happiness can be measured on how contented you are on the simple pleasures this world is offering, free of charge.

For starters, I am a person who counts his money before spending it. I have a budget allocation as to where my salary would go every month yet for some reason; I get short before the next pay check arrives. I am doing something about it now but that is another story. My point here is that I think what I earn is always not enough. I failure to see that everyone else around me struggle more than I do. Their salaries are lesser that what I get and they have a lot of mouths to feed and bills to pay, yet somehow, we all survive at the same time. Their worries are more than mine yet they manage to be happy. For that, I thank God for giving me an ample amount of money that is big enough if I only know how to spend wisely.

3. The Gift of Friends – “It is a wealthy person, indeed, who calculate riches not in gold but in friends.”

Photo grabbed from http://ipaintingsforsale.com

This has always been my struggle. How to identify a real friend from a fake one? But I understand now that I am asking a wrong question. It should be, ‘how can I be a true friend to someone?’

I’ve got trust issues ever since I was young and I think that’s what shapes my anti-social life and hinders my capability to get along with others. I have a very low self-esteem that is why I always try to impress everyone I know up to the point of lying to them as I am afraid I will lose them. I did not realize that by doing that, I stop them from knowing me completely and gaining their trusts, which in return, holding back my trust to them. For that, I thank God for all my friends who know me inside and out. During my ups and downs, decided to stay beside me. It will come a time; I will repay you with kindness that you’ve shown me through all these years.

4. The Gift of Learning – “Education is a lifelong journey whose destination expands as you travel.”

Photo grabbed from http://fineartamerica.com

I must admit, I am lucky that I have attended college even for a short period of time. It was my passes on getting a great job. But I do not consider myself as a well-educated man. Not that I still need to go to one of the prestigious universities in the country and earn a degree then put initials at the end of my name. I will say, I’ve got the basics covered from the four corners of a classroom. All I need to do is continue my learning from the people who I encountered every day. It is a never-ending journey indeed, and there is no finish line. For that, I thank God for the things I’ve learnt in life and will be learning as I continue wandering through life.

5. The Gift of Problems – “Problems can only be avoided by exercising a good judgment. Good judgment can only be gained by experiencing life’s problems.”

Photo grabbed from http://fineartamerica.com

First, I would like to share this passage from the book: “When we can learn from our own problems, we begin to deal with life. When we can learn from other people’s problems, we begin to master life.”

This is the gift that I appreciate the most. I even cry in between reading this part. The reason? I can relate to Jason at this point as I did learn so much on my problems.  It made me realize that I am not the only one who has problems in this world. All of us are battling our own wars every day, trying to win in order to survive. It made me think what will happen to the world if nobody will show light to the world even by just smiling in front of challenges. The world will be dull and gloomy without a shadow of light. For that, I thank God for giving me problems as it makes me a stronger and better person.

6. The Gift of Family – “Some people are born into wonderful families. Others have to find or create them. Being a member of a family is a privilege which costs nothing but love.”

Photo grabbed from http://www.michaelhallinanstudio.com

I can tell with honesty and proud that I love my family. They are my strength and my weakness. With them, I can be full-proof or vulnerable. They are my scepter and crown that makes me a king, and my sword and shield that makes me a warrior. They are my blood. For that, I thank God for my wonderful family. I hope to create a family of my own someday, whether by blood or loyalty.

7. The Gift of Laughter – “Laughter is good medicine for the soul. Our world is desperately in need of such medicine.”

Photo grabbed from http://hearinghealthmatters.org

At first, I thought it doesn’t make sense adding laughter as one of the gifts to live a wonderful life, but as I read this part, it made me realize how vital laughter’s part is. Without it, this world will be dull and meaningless. Truly, laughter brings relief to an aching soul and joy to a sorrowful heart. It gives color to everything around us. With laughter in our lives, a rocky road will feel like a smooth feather. For that, I thank God for bringing laughter into this world. I am very lucky to live in this life.

8. The Gift of Dreams – “Faith is all that dreamers need to see into the future.”

Photo grabbed from http://fineartamerica.com

As a writer, this one is my favorite. This serves as a fuel in making the rest of the gifts possible to achieve.  This is by far, the reason why we continue to exist. We are still striving to survive and not thinking of giving up because we dream. Dreams are not only for the younger ones, as you go through life; you need to hold on to your dreams. The farther you travel, the closer you are in realizing your dreams and making them a reality. For that, I thank God for giving us the capability to dream. It’s what drives our passion. It is a trigger and our motivation to succeed. Most of all, it erases doubts and that imaginary word called impossible.

9. The Gift of Giving – “The only way you can truly get more out of life for yourself is to give part of yourself away.”

Photo grabbed from http://www.worldmeeting2015.org

The more you give, the more you receive. This maxim is true in any way, yet why is it so hard for us to comply. The greatest irony the world has created is that the more we receive in this life, the harder it is for us to give away. I am not talking about money or anything that it can buy, but other things that we can offer. Be it a time to spend with somebody, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to, an arm to lean on or a hand to hold on to. Even I, is guilty for not sharing this gift. For that, I thank God for giving us the will to give. I will find a way to hand this over to anyone who needs it. For it truly makes the world a better place to live.

10. The Gift of Gratitude – “In those times when we yearn to have more in our lives, we should dwell on the things we already have. In doing so, we will often find that our lives are already full to overflowing.”

Photo grabbed from http://www.pennapowers.com

I will take this opportunity to apologize for not realizing that every day I open my eyes after a long night of sleep, I am receiving God’s gift. It’s a shame I always forget thanking him for that. Even as I sleep, His gift continuously grows within me as I breathe. Instead of giving him praise, all I do is complain. I did not see the roof above my head because of the leaks when it rains. I did not know how delicious the food in our table is because it is always the same every day. I did not feel that my feet is resting rather than walking for a long mile because of the heavy traffic on my way to work. Opps! I did not notice that others are unemployed because I was tired and exhausted from doing a routine job. The list is long and for that I am shameful.

This is perhaps, the most wonderful gift of all, the gift of thanks. For that, I thank God for giving us the capacity to appreciate what we have and be grateful for it. Thank you, God.

11. The Gift of a Day – “Life at its essence boils down to one day at a time. Today is the day!”

Photo grabbed from http://hdwpics.com

If today will be my last day on earth, will I choose it to be different from the rest of the days that I lived so that it will be perfect? My answer is yes and no. Yes because I have a perfect day every day and no because I will not choose my last day to be different. I wanted it to be the same from yesterday and the day before. My definition of a perfect day is waking up with the people you love and loves you, eating breakfast with them before leaving to work. Working with the people you respect and respect you then ending your day with them. Going home to the people you love and love you, eating dinner with them then sleeping with them again. If I wake up, it’s another perfect day. If not, I will not have any regrets of spending my last day with them, because that day was perfect. For that, I thank God for giving us a perfect day every day. A day full of problems and resolutions. A day full of sadness and happiness. A day full failures and success.

12. The Gift of Love – “Love is a treasure for which we can never pay. The only way to keep it is to give it away.”

Photo grabbed from http://www.nonprints.com

If the gift of dreams is my bow and the gift of gratitude is my target, then the gift of love is my arrow. The rest of the gifts will not be possible without this one, for this is the key. Gifts are there to share. And we share these gifts to someone because we love them. Truly, sharing is giving, and giving is loving. For that, I thank God for creating and giving us His love, so that we can share it to everyone. A world full of love is a world worth living.

Now that all has been said, it’s only fair to put it into practice, and then that practice can turn into a habit. I am willing to take this challenge and I am determined to pass the tests. This is my goal in life now; I thank God for creating these gifts.

One more thing, I am passing the book to my lovely friend, Mimi, in a hope that she will also found the same perspective I find after reading it. May she enjoy the journey as she turns one page to another. My only wish is for her to pass the book to her friend and so on, until the world will know how lucky we are in living this wonderful life, possessing these gifts to cherish and share.