Real Post 152 – Annyeong, Nae Gwageoui Na (A Thank You Letter inspired by the Korean Drama, 안녕? 나야!)

The pandemic has hit us hard. Whether it’s physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, it scarred us for life. Many of us have looked for solace in any way we can just to keep our sanity and lean on a hope that this too will pass. And one of them is me, in the form of K-Dramas.

South Korean TV and web series – also known as K-Dramas are hugely popular here and abroad long before I started showing an interest to them. I was just not paying attention, to say the least. But ever since the country has been put into lockdown and outdoor activities have been restrained, they caught my eye without a second peak.

It started with the shows that are on a global streaming platform, followed by clips and scenes that I found on the internet. K-Dramas like Hwarang that introduced me to Seo-joon, Ara, Min-ho, Hyung-sik, Ji-han and Tae-hyung. She Was Pretty, Fight For My Way, What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim, Itaewon Class – I know, I am a fan of Park Seo-joon, but there’s a lot more. Some has made me laugh, made me cry, made me wonder, made me think twice, and made me grateful for my life.

…which is the reason why am writing this letter.

I just finished watching the series finale of Hello? Me! – it’s a K-Drama starring Choi Kang-hee, Kim Young-kwang and Lee Re. The story was about a 37-year old woman who seems to be living her life subserviently to other people, lacks courage and confidence to have a brighter future. And then, she met her 17-year old self who is way too eager to prove herself to the world and is severly optimistic. What could have gone wrong, right?

At first glance, it would seemed to be a typical romantic-comedy with all of it’s feel-good moments, until it hits you with a reality check – life, and how it’s gonna shape a person’s past and future.

By the way, this is not a review about the show. It’s a checkup of me from the present conducted by me from the past, as well as an update of my 31-year old self to a 15-year old teenage guy.

…hence…hello, my past self.

Thank you for visiting me tonight. You’ve just seen me balling in tears while watching the two Ha-nis parted ways and it was an eyesore, I know. Ramyun and nachos did not help, even a bit. Why the ugly cry, you asked? Oh, I just thought of you all of a sudden, and what do you think of me now.

I still remember at 15, we were in junior high,and boy, you got big dreams! It was only a year after you got your second chance in life, got dropped from the top 10, old folks got poorer due to medical bills, but still you aimed for the sky, and beyond.

If am not mistaken, this was also the year you wrote your first love letter. Asked your friend Mary June to hand it over to Wennie Mae after the school’s Christmas party. Sneaky bastard! I can’t help but smile, you were into girls that time.

Let me tell you a secret. A year after that, you’ll gonna have a chance to dance with her on a prom, walk with her outside school campus, and get a teddy bear and key chain as graduation presents. You’ll gonna be floating in a cloud nine I assure you. Of course you’ll cry in the end, and even in your sleep coz you’re gonna get friendzoned. Just feel the pain. It will pass. Man up, you’re gonna like men more.

Sorry, got carried away by the moment. How am I? So far, so good. I’ve survived. Still have my sanity intact. And in some way, flourishing. Yeah, bit older. Uglier than you expected? Come on! We cannot have everything.

Of course, I remember our dreams. Though it’s a bit hazy as years go by. I wrote a few books, sold at least 10 copies online. Your plan to have a display in bookstores was far-fetched in this lifetime, but who knows. Am still hopeful.

We are still living in a 1-bedroom house, but it already has an indoor bathroom and toilet. Don’t worry, in few years time, you’ll no longer gonna run scared outside in the night with a pail and lamp just to poop. We now have running water to flash that crap down. And just a sneak peak, in 15 years time, you’ll gonna have a 3-bedroom bungalow standing mightily in that now-empty lot.

Ma and Pa are still here, though they’ve aged a lot. But don’t worry, you kept your promise to them ever since we were kids. They are no longer harvesting rice in another person’s field just to have food in our tables everyday. They have their own piggery as a source of their income and they both have monthy allowances and pensions so that they will no longer bother other people for a meal during breakfast, lunch and dinner. I got them healthcare and life insurance as well. You know how hard it was to pay for your hospital bills last year right? I am making sure we’ll never go through that again. Pa got TV and Ma got internet, coz you know, perks of having us.

Tang is working in a bank now and Jing is on it’s junior year in mechanical technology. They’re still a crazy bunch, but we are still a solid fam. As for you, won’t you believe that the times you visited the computer lab just to play solitaire and text twist made you interested to work with computers? I know, you don’t even own a mobile phone, you 90’s punk.

What’s with that sigh? Yeah, sorry If I disappoint you in that aspect. I know you really want to go to a prestigious school, get a degree and be a journalist.

Just hang in there, okay. Starting next year, you’ll gonna experience a lot of disappointments. People are gonna make false promises, circumstances are gonna play big parts, your life is going to shift in a way you couldn’t fathom at that age. You will ask how and why, yet you’ll only get a sigh. But you will survive and eventually prosper. You always know how to make the most of every situation you’re in.

Promise me one thing. Don’t detest Ma and Pa in the process. Tell them that you will try to understand their situations and be grateful for what they can contribute, no matter how little it is. They’ve been through hell and back already, just to raise us three.

You’re going back now? I see. I hope you won’t lose the spark that you have right now, after seeing what I’ve become, today. I’ve shaped my path already, but you are still molding yours. And that is gonna define me. So endure the pain of what life’s gonna throw next to you. Bear with it for a while, and little bit more. There will be times you wanna give up, traumatic moments you wish you don’t wanna repeat. But those times are gonna strengthen your will to grow.

I am sorry if I was not who you wanted me to be, but I made the most out of what life has thrown at me. And so will you.

Please do not give up on you, just like what I did on me. I am your number one fan, and will always root for you. I will still be here when your time comes, waiting for you. And if you feel like you are all alone, remember that I am always with you.

Although you are yet to hear this in a few years, but take this now with you…

Have faith. Keep the spirit. If there’s a will, there’s a way.

My past self, annyeong.

Real Post 151 – Hi, It’s Me Again. How Are YOU?

It’s been a wild ride these past couple of years. Few things in the bucket list have been checked – experiences I enjoyed so much that I want to do it again, and some that clearly needs to happen once in a lifetime.

One certain thing I regret though, was not letting you know about how I’ve been. But rest assured, I’ve cherished every moment – the triumphs and failures, happiness and sadness, lives and deaths that came passed me. All the learnings and opportunities that came knocking – the yes’ and no’s of life.

And so, am here again.

I’m turning 30 by the way. Not for another 6 months or so, but just want to let you know, coz it’s important to what am about to tell you.

First, am building a house of my dreams!

Well, not me personally, but my Popsi and Momsi are the ones overseeing the construction in the province while am here in Manila. But still, this is one important milestone for me. Am not here to boast about it, maybe a bit, however you need to understand it’s almost a decade in the making in my mind. Before I went here in the city to work, I set a goal – get my own room by the age of 30.

Second, my Momsi said it’s okay to be gay!

I’ve been going back and forth for the past year in the province, and everytime her and I had a conversation, a grand child is being slipped into. Of course I’d say no coz it’s gonna be difficult for me to give her an apo knowing that am not into women who can get pregnant, unless she also considers my plan of adopting a kid in the future. She’d always say, “It’s okay. Just do you, but am still hopeful for you to have a baby. You are just 30.”

Third, my Popsi and Momsi, as always, supports me!

There are times in our lives that we think coz we are already adult, we do things our way and make decisions alone. I recently realized, no matter where you are in life, seeking for advise from your friend, family or loved ones is never a bad move. As a matter of fact, it can save you from your impending doom. Just to give you a clearer scenario, the decision I made so hastily was gonna be my burden for years, which likely gonna make me crazy or land in jail. Not to mention can create altercations between our friends and family. It was a huge relief for me to backtrack that decision. I did not expect that I would cry in front of my parents at this age, but it turned out to be a beautiful relevation – my folks will always be there to provide me guidance, for as long as they live. All I need to do is ask for it. As I wiped the tears in my eyes that day, my Popsi did say, “Travel as far as you can go. Do the things that your heart wish. Live your life, for you only have one.” Then he walked away, while cleaning the fog that formed in his eyeglasses with his shirt. “You are only 30.”

So you see, it’s been a wild ride for me. I realized 3 important things just recently…

1. It’s never too early nor too late to set a goal. Keep it present, even just in your mind. Then make it happen.

2. Give more credit than you think they deserve for the people who truly loves you. Communicate with them, for there’s no clearer way to receive an answer other than by asking for it.

3. Life does not stop giving you lessons when you feel like you know how the world works. For mistakes can easily be made whether you are 6 or 60. And there is nothing wrong if you wanted to cry in front of people if you are feeling down, whether you are 3 or 30. You never know, they might be the one to cheer you up, or change your future.

Now that you know what I’ve been going through, how about you?

How are you doing?

Real Post 128 – I’ll Better Be Funny

A few days ago, I was asked to write a funny and comedy-like story for an online group on Facebook. As always, I willingly did. The sad thing though, even if I tried to pull the concept so hard out of my brain, I could not make it fun without drama and real life lessons. I was advised to make its content light and humorous or modify the storyline. I’ve got a lot of ideas flashing on my mind but none of them were funny, light or humorous. It’s like my thoughts are one hell of a soap opera with a lot of crying and hysteria. Am I missing something ‘funny’ all these years in my life?

I started looking back at my past and search for funny memories just to motivate myself and I’ve found quite a lot, but they seem to be concealed or hidden. Was that because my viewpoint of the world for the past years is cruel and redundant? I will admit that I’ve been thinking of the world in this way, but I also believe that it is meaningful and full of surprises. Isn’t that fun enough? Or I really need to chill out, take one step at a time and unwind? It’s crazy that I am still asking myself of these questions when I already knew the answers a long long time ago. Crazy me.

I guess in order to have a funny and humorous inspiration, I need to get it out from within myself. I need to be my own funny inspiration in order to be motivated and write a humorous story. Easy right? Well, I better be the funny one.

Wish me luck and all the fun in the world, guys!

Short Poetries 102 – No Heading

Every time I lay down on the shore

Thinking of the things I’ve done before,

Wandering on the horizon and playing with the breeze

Remembering the past that is giving me a squeeze;

And as the waves hug down the pebbles and the sand

As if this sea owns the land,

How lucky they are for having everything

Unlike myself who got nothing!