Real Post 152 – Annyeong, Nae Gwageoui Na (A Thank You Letter inspired by the Korean Drama, 안녕? 나야!)

The pandemic has hit us hard. Whether it’s physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, it scarred us for life. Many of us have looked for solace in any way we can just to keep our sanity and lean on a hope that this too will pass. And one of them is me, in the form of K-Dramas.

South Korean TV and web series – also known as K-Dramas are hugely popular here and abroad long before I started showing an interest to them. I was just not paying attention, to say the least. But ever since the country has been put into lockdown and outdoor activities have been restrained, they caught my eye without a second peak.

It started with the shows that are on a global streaming platform, followed by clips and scenes that I found on the internet. K-Dramas like Hwarang that introduced me to Seo-joon, Ara, Min-ho, Hyung-sik, Ji-han and Tae-hyung. She Was Pretty, Fight For My Way, What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim, Itaewon Class – I know, I am a fan of Park Seo-joon, but there’s a lot more. Some has made me laugh, made me cry, made me wonder, made me think twice, and made me grateful for my life.

…which is the reason why am writing this letter.

I just finished watching the series finale of Hello? Me! – it’s a K-Drama starring Choi Kang-hee, Kim Young-kwang and Lee Re. The story was about a 37-year old woman who seems to be living her life subserviently to other people, lacks courage and confidence to have a brighter future. And then, she met her 17-year old self who is way too eager to prove herself to the world and is severly optimistic. What could have gone wrong, right?

At first glance, it would seemed to be a typical romantic-comedy with all of it’s feel-good moments, until it hits you with a reality check – life, and how it’s gonna shape a person’s past and future.

By the way, this is not a review about the show. It’s a checkup of me from the present conducted by me from the past, as well as an update of my 31-year old self to a 15-year old teenage guy.

…hence…hello, my past self.

Thank you for visiting me tonight. You’ve just seen me balling in tears while watching the two Ha-nis parted ways and it was an eyesore, I know. Ramyun and nachos did not help, even a bit. Why the ugly cry, you asked? Oh, I just thought of you all of a sudden, and what do you think of me now.

I still remember at 15, we were in junior high,and boy, you got big dreams! It was only a year after you got your second chance in life, got dropped from the top 10, old folks got poorer due to medical bills, but still you aimed for the sky, and beyond.

If am not mistaken, this was also the year you wrote your first love letter. Asked your friend Mary June to hand it over to Wennie Mae after the school’s Christmas party. Sneaky bastard! I can’t help but smile, you were into girls that time.

Let me tell you a secret. A year after that, you’ll gonna have a chance to dance with her on a prom, walk with her outside school campus, and get a teddy bear and key chain as graduation presents. You’ll gonna be floating in a cloud nine I assure you. Of course you’ll cry in the end, and even in your sleep coz you’re gonna get friendzoned. Just feel the pain. It will pass. Man up, you’re gonna like men more.

Sorry, got carried away by the moment. How am I? So far, so good. I’ve survived. Still have my sanity intact. And in some way, flourishing. Yeah, bit older. Uglier than you expected? Come on! We cannot have everything.

Of course, I remember our dreams. Though it’s a bit hazy as years go by. I wrote a few books, sold at least 10 copies online. Your plan to have a display in bookstores was far-fetched in this lifetime, but who knows. Am still hopeful.

We are still living in a 1-bedroom house, but it already has an indoor bathroom and toilet. Don’t worry, in few years time, you’ll no longer gonna run scared outside in the night with a pail and lamp just to poop. We now have running water to flash that crap down. And just a sneak peak, in 15 years time, you’ll gonna have a 3-bedroom bungalow standing mightily in that now-empty lot.

Ma and Pa are still here, though they’ve aged a lot. But don’t worry, you kept your promise to them ever since we were kids. They are no longer harvesting rice in another person’s field just to have food in our tables everyday. They have their own piggery as a source of their income and they both have monthy allowances and pensions so that they will no longer bother other people for a meal during breakfast, lunch and dinner. I got them healthcare and life insurance as well. You know how hard it was to pay for your hospital bills last year right? I am making sure we’ll never go through that again. Pa got TV and Ma got internet, coz you know, perks of having us.

Tang is working in a bank now and Jing is on it’s junior year in mechanical technology. They’re still a crazy bunch, but we are still a solid fam. As for you, won’t you believe that the times you visited the computer lab just to play solitaire and text twist made you interested to work with computers? I know, you don’t even own a mobile phone, you 90’s punk.

What’s with that sigh? Yeah, sorry If I disappoint you in that aspect. I know you really want to go to a prestigious school, get a degree and be a journalist.

Just hang in there, okay. Starting next year, you’ll gonna experience a lot of disappointments. People are gonna make false promises, circumstances are gonna play big parts, your life is going to shift in a way you couldn’t fathom at that age. You will ask how and why, yet you’ll only get a sigh. But you will survive and eventually prosper. You always know how to make the most of every situation you’re in.

Promise me one thing. Don’t detest Ma and Pa in the process. Tell them that you will try to understand their situations and be grateful for what they can contribute, no matter how little it is. They’ve been through hell and back already, just to raise us three.

You’re going back now? I see. I hope you won’t lose the spark that you have right now, after seeing what I’ve become, today. I’ve shaped my path already, but you are still molding yours. And that is gonna define me. So endure the pain of what life’s gonna throw next to you. Bear with it for a while, and little bit more. There will be times you wanna give up, traumatic moments you wish you don’t wanna repeat. But those times are gonna strengthen your will to grow.

I am sorry if I was not who you wanted me to be, but I made the most out of what life has thrown at me. And so will you.

Please do not give up on you, just like what I did on me. I am your number one fan, and will always root for you. I will still be here when your time comes, waiting for you. And if you feel like you are all alone, remember that I am always with you.

Although you are yet to hear this in a few years, but take this now with you…

Have faith. Keep the spirit. If there’s a will, there’s a way.

My past self, annyeong.

Real Post 151 – Hi, It’s Me Again. How Are YOU?

It’s been a wild ride these past couple of years. Few things in the bucket list have been checked – experiences I enjoyed so much that I want to do it again, and some that clearly needs to happen once in a lifetime.

One certain thing I regret though, was not letting you know about how I’ve been. But rest assured, I’ve cherished every moment – the triumphs and failures, happiness and sadness, lives and deaths that came passed me. All the learnings and opportunities that came knocking – the yes’ and no’s of life.

And so, am here again.

I’m turning 30 by the way. Not for another 6 months or so, but just want to let you know, coz it’s important to what am about to tell you.

First, am building a house of my dreams!

Well, not me personally, but my Popsi and Momsi are the ones overseeing the construction in the province while am here in Manila. But still, this is one important milestone for me. Am not here to boast about it, maybe a bit, however you need to understand it’s almost a decade in the making in my mind. Before I went here in the city to work, I set a goal – get my own room by the age of 30.

Second, my Momsi said it’s okay to be gay!

I’ve been going back and forth for the past year in the province, and everytime her and I had a conversation, a grand child is being slipped into. Of course I’d say no coz it’s gonna be difficult for me to give her an apo knowing that am not into women who can get pregnant, unless she also considers my plan of adopting a kid in the future. She’d always say, “It’s okay. Just do you, but am still hopeful for you to have a baby. You are just 30.”

Third, my Popsi and Momsi, as always, supports me!

There are times in our lives that we think coz we are already adult, we do things our way and make decisions alone. I recently realized, no matter where you are in life, seeking for advise from your friend, family or loved ones is never a bad move. As a matter of fact, it can save you from your impending doom. Just to give you a clearer scenario, the decision I made so hastily was gonna be my burden for years, which likely gonna make me crazy or land in jail. Not to mention can create altercations between our friends and family. It was a huge relief for me to backtrack that decision. I did not expect that I would cry in front of my parents at this age, but it turned out to be a beautiful relevation – my folks will always be there to provide me guidance, for as long as they live. All I need to do is ask for it. As I wiped the tears in my eyes that day, my Popsi did say, “Travel as far as you can go. Do the things that your heart wish. Live your life, for you only have one.” Then he walked away, while cleaning the fog that formed in his eyeglasses with his shirt. “You are only 30.”

So you see, it’s been a wild ride for me. I realized 3 important things just recently…

1. It’s never too early nor too late to set a goal. Keep it present, even just in your mind. Then make it happen.

2. Give more credit than you think they deserve for the people who truly loves you. Communicate with them, for there’s no clearer way to receive an answer other than by asking for it.

3. Life does not stop giving you lessons when you feel like you know how the world works. For mistakes can easily be made whether you are 6 or 60. And there is nothing wrong if you wanted to cry in front of people if you are feeling down, whether you are 3 or 30. You never know, they might be the one to cheer you up, or change your future.

Now that you know what I’ve been going through, how about you?

How are you doing?

Real Post 143 -A Backtrack Before The New Year

Five more pages to go and the book of 2015 will be closed. It will be sealed and locked away. We can take a peak on some pages of it but we can never reread it thoroughly. It’s how the way it was created, no further explanations needed. A new leaf will unfold and through it, a new set of pages will be made. It’s a clean slate, that it why we call it new beginnings. For some it’s a new start, while others think of it as another stop of our lifelong journey.

Many people become excited when a new year comes along. We sometimes considered it as a reboot of our life or a complete overhaul of our system. It gives us an idea to take a pass on the things that we did over the last year. It gives us a complete sense of relief from the bad decisions that we made or a trophy of success for those good ones. A new year can be many things for each of us. The way we wanted it to be is solely dependent on our own perspectives. As for me, it’s another uncharted waters and I cannot wait to sail off where the wind blows.

Now, before we get more excited on the year 2016, let us take this moment to backtrack the things we have done over the course of this year and ask ourselves these questions:

• What have I accomplish this year?
• Did I do something out of the ordinary and did it make any difference to me or to other people?
• What decisions did I regret and what did I consider as good ones?
• If I will be given a chance to relive one moment this year, what would it be and why? And lastly,
• If I die before the New Year comes, am I going to be grateful for it and ask for nothing or regret and wish I could have done – insert-them-here – thing?

Let’s start, shall we?

I reached a quarter of a century this year so I guess it can be counted as an accomplishment. I still have my job that feeds me and my family, as well as pays my bills. Also, I became depressed and felt so down after my surgery but I was able to regain my composure, thanks to the help of my friends and family.

I purchased an insurance policy, something that I haven’t think of knowing that I am not a risk-taker so it’s out of the ordinary for me and it certainly did make a difference towards my outlook in life. It took a harsh turn on me which brings us the decisions I may or may not yet regret. I admit I was disappointed with how things went on after the procurement of this policy. It felt like the decisions I made or the documents I signed up in this case were used against me. I guess I was not clever enough to counteract. Either way, it’s a lesson learned the hard way, to always read the fine prints.

If I will be given a chance to experience one magical and amazing moment that happened this year the second time around, I will pick one randomly and relive it exactly how it went through for the first time, for I am grateful for everything that I’ve been through. The reason why? It’s obvious, no matter how awful or awesome those events, I survived all of them.

Now for the last question, if I cannot make it through 2016, I will still be thankful and grateful for the things that happened to me in past as it shaped me to a person I am today. I will not ask but one thing though, to wish everyone a Happy and Prosperous New Year!!!

Cheerios everyone! ‘Til next year. 🙂

 

Real Post 134 – I, Counting on the Rain

What soothes you the most from the pain and sorrow this world has brought? What keeps you calm and gets your head to cool? What conceals your sadness and washes away the emptiness that your heart feels? Is it something cold yet clear, tastes neither sweet nor bitter? Something like liquid, a water, or a drop of RAIN?

It’s rainy season once again. Wet socks and slippery roads, umbrellas are unfolding, big and small. Dusty staircases are now sweep clean by water. Most of all, raindrops are dancing on your roofs, blocking all those irrelevant noises and making you listen to a single and rhythmic sound, letting your ear concentrate to that beautiful march of tiny drops of tears from heaven until you fall asleep.

I don’t know why the sound of the raindrops calm my soul but I like it. The way they drop on the roof or just the plain sound of them as they come near me is blissfully amazing. The rhymes and rhythms they make are naturally choreographed that makes me imagine of graceful dancers on the peak of their performances or a well-orchestrated opera on the heights of their pieces. It is just incredibly wonderful and absolutely fantastic!

On a mellow note, rain is my therapy. It makes me calm and keeps me cool. Just listening to them wipes away whatever bad vibes I have. It relaxes me to the deepest part of my subconscious mind as I fall asleep. The greatest thing about rain is it will always cover my tears and washes away my pain, making me smile as it slowly stops until the sun shines again.

Truly, the heat of the sun strengthens me and keeps my mind focus on whatever goal I set, but whenever I get sad or feel blue, I can always count on the rain. 

Photo credit to: mattgerrardonline.wordpress.com

Short Poetries 106 – My Happy Place

If you are tired and exhausted

Feeling like everything is a pain on your back,

What would you do?

If your life is full of sadness

And the rest of the world has turned into madness,

Where would you go?

I know a place that is filled with joy,

A setting where everybody is at peace with each other.

It’s not a land far far away, but it’s exactly where you are right now,

May that be a castle or a dark place in a dungeon;

What matters most is that God is in the center,

May that be inside your heart or on your prayers.

Real Post 125 – Brothers In The City

I am fond of posting articles about my own perspective towards life, mostly, it has a lot of negativity in it. This time, it is completely different. I always feel happy but it’s seldom that I feel content, and yesterday was one of those days.

My youngest brother, R-Jay, is here in Manila for a summer vacation. This is his first time being in a big city and he is excited about it. He is planning to stay for just 2 weeks so we need to make the most of our time. After all, we only see each other every 2 years whenever I go home for a vacation.

My younger brother, Ram, is also here for almost a year now and is currently working in one of the banks here in the Philippines. We accompanied our youngest sibling in touring the wonders of the city. Well, it’s the shopping malls, obviously; and we had a blast!

We first decided to watched The Avengers: Age of Ultron in the theaters. It was also R-Jay’s first time watching on a big screen so we asked him how was it. “It was a good experience.”, he said. “But I felt sleepy back there.” Well, I guess it could be the cold theater or he is not just into watching movies.

Thereafter, we decided to play car racing on a video game store. Don’t just me. We do not have this luxury when we were young.

After a while, we look for a place to eat. Now, this is what we are talking about. One thing that we could all agreed upon – eating. We had 1 whole roasted chicken, 2 platters of rice, 4 side dishes, a pitcher of iced tea and a pitcher of cold water. Nope. We were not that hungry, we were just starving!

Before and after a bountiful meal we shared. Definitely not hungry.

On that moment, a memory from when I was young hit my mind. It was a gentle reminder from our father. I cannot easily forget it cause he kept on saying it in our dinner table every night, sometimes when he was drunk. “When you are older, please do not forget to look back at your younger brothers. Take care of each other in the best way you can. It’s not your fault if they will defy your suggestions and suffer; but if possible, whatever you eat should be the same as what they are eating. Let it be a bountiful meal or just a piece of bread.  As long as you are eating altogether.”

I felt great during that time. I sense a feeling of happiness and contentment to these simple pleasures of life. It’s not just that we are eating an amazing meal, but the fact that we are eating it altogether and laughing our hearts out, made it a special one; and that what awesome!

On our way back home, I asked my brother how’s Manila compared to our province. “Galung.”, he responded in one word which means noisy and not suitable for someone who lives a peaceful life. I could not disagree with his opinion. After all, there is no place like home.

Real Post 124 – Hopeless and No Longer Romantic

I used to be a lover. In my early teens, I learned to appreciate all the things that bring love to me, whether it’s my family, my high school crush, or even a single kiss of a gentle breeze that blows the morning dew from the sycamore tree down to the tiny petals of a dandelion flower that sways with the wind on the blooming field. Am sure it did not make sense to you. Well, me neither. But you know what, I used to write these nonsense before, and man, I was nailing it! I just don’t know what happened after. I guess, I grew up.

Yes. I was a weirdo when I was in high school. Not that kind that is being bullied everyday by their classmates. Am just your average weirdo guy sitting at the corner wanted to not be noticed. It turns out, there was no acting or plans required. I just sit there all by myself and presto! I am alone in my own surreal world.

I did not do illegal drugs and will never be taking them. I am neither a psychopath nor a creepy stalker. During my ups and downs in high school, I wrote fictional stories, poetries and even lyrics. They were my escape from the real world.

I know you are confused right now as to where this article is going. No worries I can sense the inconsistency as well. Okay. I am not talking about my whole high school life story here or my boring teenage life. This story is about this young, confused and not-that-good-looking guy. How he fall in love and then fell out of it. Or so he thought.

Let’s start on how he got struck by the cupid’s dart on his first day of being a freshman. Since it was their first day at school, they were given a seating arrangement. He was placed at the 3rd row from the front and 2 seats away from the window just beside the lake. It was a comfortable place to be. The next thing that happened was a moment that is now a permanent mark on his mind. He was transitioning from a boy to becoming a man. It was that time he started to notice that girls are not just another type of human beings. They are indeed a masterpiece of every artwork a man can create, the epitome of beauty and sophistication, and the light to any man’s dark paths.

For him, she is the most beautiful girl in the world. Her smile is one of the precious gems that he ever seen. And one thing that he loves the most about her, is the way she blushes when he teases her. She became her inspiration and motivation to study hard and write harder.

Yes. He became a hopeless romantic, weirdo but in love kind of guy. In his 4 years of stay in that school, he never, for just a second, run out of feelings for her. She was his first crush and his first love. If you are asking if she told the girl that he adored her, yes he did. If you are thinking if he courted her, in someway, somehow. If you wanted to know if they got together, nope. It’s a real world, so fantasies are not so common. And also, let’s admit it, he is ugly and she is incredibly beautiful, plus he is gay so it’s a double negative points for him. But no worries, they become friends, until now. That’s right. Welcome to the never-ending world of friend zone. But what more could he asked for? He survived high school and college with flying colors and she is one of the reasons why he is what he is today. And for that, he is thankful.

Alright, let’s go back to the present time. The time where he is slowly realizing that he needs somebody to love. It’s true that he has an astounding career and he is on the right path to fulfilling his dreams, but he is still behind his younger self. He does not want to admit but he envy himself few years back. He needs a one of a kind inspiration and motivation to write again. Most of all, he wanted to be that hopeless romantic and weirdo but in love kind of guy he used to be. He may be gay, but he still long to be that guy again.

Sigh. I dunno what to write next. In that case, am going to stop. Till next time, peeps!